dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
