Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
