my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo