Texts From Last Night

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  (513): View more from Ohio

  She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.

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  (513): She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools. http://tfl.nu/fny5
  Replies (21) Good night (902) Bad night (3682)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton

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  (734): wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton http://tfl.nu/f5q9
  Replies (27) Good night (877) Bad night (4565)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.

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  (724): How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS. http://tfl.nu/1n4d
  Replies (12) Good night (1089) Bad night (3523)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.

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  (817): The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down. http://tfl.nu/fg57
  Replies (19) Good night (7018) Bad night (708)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on

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  (416): I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on http://tfl.nu/c1eq
  Replies (19) Good night (5279) Bad night (831)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk

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  (802): you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk http://tfl.nu/784w
  Replies (28) Good night (10191) Bad night (977)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.

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  (403): we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now. http://tfl.nu/goi4
  Replies (16) Good night (5686) Bad night (960)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about

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  (218): Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about http://tfl.nu/idfh
  Replies (23) Good night (1345) Bad night (6174)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.

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  (512): You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication. http://tfl.nu/dq9l
  Replies (6) Good night (3044) Bad night (1096)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.

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  (740): If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure. http://tfl.nu/7lqe
  Replies (5) Good night (1891) Bad night (990)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room

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  (610): Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room http://tfl.nu/oqu1
  Replies (20) Good night (3557) Bad night (657)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.

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  (512): I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them. http://tfl.nu/phm4
  Replies (21) Good night (429) Bad night (4566)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.

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  (610): I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now. http://tfl.nu/akfs
  Replies (6) Good night (736) Bad night (1554)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!

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  (719): I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!! http://tfl.nu/z9re
  Replies (4) Good night (649) Bad night (301)
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  (650): View more from California

  Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.

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  (650): Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what. http://tfl.nu/elzg
  Replies (4) Good night (841) Bad night (186)

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