i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold