We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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