the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes