its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
false alarm, still single
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
