My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
