plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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