i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
