I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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