uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm having to shit out rocks
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
