Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
