I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
