Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
