You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
