so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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