The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
