Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Who died my cat blue again?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
