I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
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After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
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Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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