In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
