ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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