Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
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He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
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So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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