Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
