I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
