That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
