the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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