Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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