Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
