I'm pants shitting drunk right now
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Who died my cat blue again?
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