it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
