I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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