I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
