$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
not ubering you a puppy
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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