I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
