hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
