The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
