the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
