I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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