Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
