he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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