New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
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