I wanna bring you to show and tell
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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