wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
