Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
