I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
