I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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