I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you didnt know i had herpes?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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