Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
