It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
