How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
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Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
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You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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