Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
