the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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