Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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