I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
