Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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