bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
