Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
