Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I woke up under a house in Key West
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