I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
