Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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