so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I love you.
Bad choice
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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