I'm lost and stupid without you.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
