i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
