dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
