just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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