Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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