coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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