I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
