i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The uberlube is also flammable
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
