Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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