note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
