Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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