Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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