My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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