i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
