Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
