how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
