i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
