FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
