last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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