literally had 100 drinks last night.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm both gender and math confused
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
