I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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