I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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